Dasmarka Real Estate

BUYER: Jonah Hill
LOCATION: Tarzana, CA
PRICE: $2,175,000
SIZE: 4,650 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Like so many other famous folks with deep pockets, actor/screenwriter/comedian du jour Jonah Hill (Superbad, Knocked Up, Get Him to the Greek, 21 Jump Street) appears to have come down with a raging case of The Celebrity Real Estate Fickle.

In August 2009 the then still rather rotund jokester sold a West Hollywood (CA) condo for $835,000, $215,000 less than the $1,050,000 he paid for the 2 bedroom and 2 bathroom crib just shy of two years earlier.

The following May (2010) Mister Hill dropped $1,865,000 on a Richard Dorman-designed ranch-style mid-century residence tucked into a quiet enclave off Mulholland Drive above Laurel Canyon. The house, originally built in 1959 by property developer Fillmore Crank and actress/hotelier Beverly Garland, sits right around the corner from the house where button-pushing comic superhero Sacha Baron Cohen and actress Isla Fisher lived until they acquired their much more a-list style compound down the road a piece.

Last week Your Mama heard from The Bizzy Boys at Celebrity Address Aerial who whispered in our ear that property records they peeped indicate newly slender Mister Hill purchased another home in the somewhat unlikely and entirely unexpected haute-suburban locale of Tarzana, CA. It took Your Mama a few days to sort through the matter but we finally received word from our always eerily well-informed celebrity real estate snitch Lucy Spillerguts who confirmed that a trust linked to Mister Hill and his accountant-to-the-stars father had indeed dropped $2,175,000 on a mini-estate tucked into the foothills of the Santa Monica Mountains in an affluent and leafy neighborhood in Tarzana.

Property records show the deal went down in mid-July (2011) and listing information shows the fenced and gated single story quasi-Cape Cod-style residence contains 5 bedrooms and 5.5 bathrooms in 4,650 square feet. The house was built in the 1950s but has been updated and upgraded in recent years and now features fine finishes such as distressed mahogany wood floors (that sometimes run at funny angles to the walls), travertine and marble floors and counter tops, intricate moldings, plantation shutters, and French doors galore.

The house, described in marketing materials "as if it were plucked right out of an elite neighborhood in Connecticut" features a formal living room with fireplace flanked by built-in book shelves, a formal dining room with wide bay window, and an over-sized office with vaulted ceiling. Listing photos depict the house as done up by the seller, an interior decorator recently involved in a legal imbroglio in Ireland. The traditional day-core is lovely if not exactly our decorative cup of tea. Those plaid slip covered chairs in the dining room may cause us agita but the rugs, children. Beeotch knows how to pick a damn rug.

Anyhoodles poodles, the expansive, open plan family room/kitchen has a painted coffered ceiling, fireplace, built in entertainment center, and a breakfast area with backyard view through one of the many sets of French doors throughout the house. The kitchen–more traditional than we would install in our own home but none-the-less a real stunner–has custom Shaker-style cabinets with glass-fronted uppers, Carrara marble counter tops and back splashes, commercial-style stainless steel appliances, and a snack/boozy-beverage-before-dinner bar. Ordinarily we scream and stomp our feet like a two year old about kitchen cabinetry that does not extend all the way to the ceiling. In this case, for some reason, it does not bug or betwixt our beady little brain. There are always, it seems, exceptions to our rules. A walk-through butler's pantry with sink and dishwasher connects the kitchen to the dining room and a de-voon mac-daddy walk-in pantry comes well-equipped with floor-to-ceiling shelves a commercial-grade, glass-fronted fridge that we can assure the children cost more than a used Honda.

Each of the sizable secondary bedrooms has access to an en suite bathroom and the super-sized master suite comprises a sitting room/study with bathroom, bedroom with fireplace, coved ceiling with accent lighting and plantation shuttered French doors that lead to a private terrace. There are dual walk-in closets with custom built ins and a large if decoratively banal bathroom with two sink vanity, hot tub-sized soaking tub and not just one but two showers, both with built-in benches and one with steam.

The property spans just .85 acres (37,026 square feet) according to listing information but manages to squeeze in various covered and pergola-shaded dining and entertainment terraces, a classic kidney-shaped swimming pool with spa, a citrus grove with "lounging pavilion," a Bocce ball court–which we love–large patches of grass and a lighted (and recently resurfaced) tennis court.

Other assorted amenities include expensive copper gutters, a concrete tile room made to look like slate, custom lighting indoors and out, and a built-in sound and security systems.

listing photos: Prudential California Realty