Dasmarka Real Estate

BUYER: Bristol Palin
LOCATION: Maricopa, AZ
PRICE: $172,000
SIZE: 3,929 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: It's Christmas Eve y'all and shooting out of the real estate gate like a Christmas present is the real estate news that 20-year old Bristol Palin paid $172,000 to purchase herself a house in the unlikely community of Maricopa, AZ, about 35 miles south of Phoenix.

Miss Palin's claim to semi-celebrity is, of course, is that's she's the eldest daughter of political rabble-rouser and Tea Party queen Sarah Palin. She became part of the national discourse when it was revealed during the 2008 presidential campaign–when her mother was the Republican Party's rather unusual and unexpected choice for vice-president–that a teen aged Miss Palin was going to be a mother.

The children will note that the abstinence advocate and unwed teenage mother of one paid for her new crib in cash. That's right, puppies, cold hard cash. We'd say that young Miss Palin must have got a financial leg up from her newly minted millionaire mommy, but somewhere recently we heard (but can not confirm) that the younger Miss Palin earns fifty grand a pop to go talk to teenagers about sexual abstinence. Oh pleeze. How does a young gal who birthed a baby as a teenager, made a huge splash on that stoopid Dancing With the Stars program and has the financial power at the dewy age of 20 to pay $172,000–in cash–for a house in suburban Phoenix have the nerve to get up in front of teenagers and tell them that an unexpected pregnancy could ruin their lives. Honestly. It would be high-sterical if the moral audacity of the thing wasn't so completely unnerving.

Anyhoodles poodles, listing information shows Miss Palin's new digs measure 3,929 square feet and includes 5 bedrooms and 2.5 poopers. There's a three car garage for all Miss Palin's whips and the large, landscaped backyard, according to listing information, is "perfect for volleyball, BBQs and more!" We can't be bothered to discuss the details of the house because, well, there's nothing to discuss. It's just a big ol' beige piece of architectural banality. You can talk it up and tart it up but a pig with lipstick is still a pig.

The ungated Cobblestone Farms subdivision has palm tree lined streets that wind in on each other like a nautilus shell and includes basketball courts, baseball field, soccer field, children's play center, a swimming pool, and a horse shoe playing pit. That's right, horse shoes. Sakes alive. Horse shoes. Lowerd have mercy.

According to gossip juggernaut TMZ, Miss Palin has been telling pals that she may attend Arizona State University once she moves into her mcmansion in Maricopa. Well, good for her. A college education is a good thing.

It may or may not be a coinkydink that Sarah Palin's daughter chose Arizona (and perhaps ASU) since president Obama was snubbed by the top brass at ASU who refused to give him an honorary degree after he gave the commencement speech at the 2009 graduation saying that the president had not yet accomplished enough in his career to warrant the honor. Not accomplished enough? The president of the United States of America? Really?

On that note we're off to slumber with one eye open to see if Santy Claus will be coming down the chimney tonight.