Dasmarka Real Estate

BUYER: Pink and Carey Hart
LOCATION: Malibu, CA
PRICE: $11,850,000
SIZE: 6,800 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Today is a travel day, butter beans, so brevity is the sugar in Your Mama's cookie this morning.

Ages ago Your Mama heard from a gentleman we'll call Sherman Oaks who whispered in our big ol' ear that platinum haired pop star P!ink was on the prowl for a new crib and planned to put her house on Sherman Oaks, CA on the market. As far as our research on the interweb shows, the Grammy winning songstress hasn't listed her house in Sherman Oaks–at least not on the open market–but earlier this week an article in the Los Angeles Times revealed that the P!nk and her back in the saddle motorcycle riding huzband Carey Hart are fixin' to move into a new house in the Point Dume area of Malibu, CA.

Not long after the article hit the internets, we received a covert communique from Ms. Nosey Pants out in the Bu who let P!nk's real estate cat out of the bag. According to Ms. Pants (and those bizzy bees at Blockshopper), P!nk purchased a property in the Point Dume area of Malee-boo in late October of 2010. Listing information Your Mama provoked out of the computer shows the beach house was first put on the market way back in February of 2008 and its last price tag was $15,995,000. Property records show the house was sold for $11,850,000, which means it was over-priced to start with or that P!nk's people drove a hard-ass bargain.

Electronic drive gates swing open to a long, straight, stone driveway that stretches deep into the lot where it ends at a large motor court with five car garage. To one side of the garages, a main house with 5 bedrooms and half a dozen poopers. On the other side, a two-story guesthouse/pool cabana with another bedroom and pooper. The Los Angeles County Tax Man shows the house measures 5,218 square feet while listing information suggests it comes in at around 6,800 square feet. We know it makes an ass out of both you and Your Mama, but we're going to assume anyway. The larger number likely takes the square footage of the guesthouse/pool cabana into account and the smaller number does not. Okay?

The architecture feels vaguely Craftsman with a cliché twist of what listing information calls "Balinese contemporary." The house was built in 2005 and the spacious interiors have stone and hardwood floors, vaulted wood-beamed ceilings, custom millwork, and six chunky stone fireplaces throughout the house.

A long open plan space that encompasses the gore-may kitchen, breakfast room and family room opens up through a bank of French doors to a terrace that overlooks the shallow canyon at the back of the 1-acre property. It's along a private path in this canyon area that P!nk and Mister Hart will walk in order to access a private and particularly scenic section of beach at the bottom of the vertical and dramatic Point Dume cliffs.

Other terraces and patios around the house offer tree tops views, ponds, fountains and far too much of that only-in-L.A.-is-it-stylish kind of Balinese-y statuary. The bulk of the outdoor space of the mini-estate actually sits at the front of the property. The front yard put on the pants of the backyard, so to speak. A party-sized spa and a 25-yard swimming pool with a gently tapering shallow beach end are sunk into a long stretch of lawn. Listing photographs show a trampoline sunk into the ground not too far from the swimming pool, a scenario that looks to Your Mama like a drunken accident just waiting to happen.

Once settled, P!nk and Mister Hart will live sugar borrowing distance from actor Matthew McConaughey–who has the body of a homosexual porn star–and his equally hot-to-trot Brazilian model baby momma Camila Alves. Matt and Cammy and the two genetically gifted children they formed out of wedlock–Quell scandale!–use the same path through the canyon to get to the same private and particularly scenic section of beach at the bottom of the vertical and dramatic Point Dume cliffs that P!nk, Mister Hart and the baby they're about to bring into this world will use. Mazel tov!