Dasmarka Real Estate

Thanks to a covert communique from Our Fairy Godmother in Beverly Hills Your Mama has learned that the deal is done done done for Ohana, the Beverly Hills, CA mansion sit-com star and rom-com queen Jennifer Aniston heaved on the market in March 2011 with a hefty asking price of $42,000,000. That's right, kids, Miz Aniston sold her luxury real estate puppy in just over three months time.

According to a document provided by Our Fairy Godmother in Beverly Hills, the transfer was recorded on the 24th of June for an as-yet undisclosed amount of money. The spendy buyer's identity, not surprisingly, is shielded by a corporate trust. More on that later.

Despite Miz Aniston's optimistic-seeming asking price, qualified buyers flocked to the property and–we heard through the Platinum Triangle real estate gossip grapevine–at least two offers in excess of $30,000,000 quickly surfaced. Intel we received from friends and sources led us to speculate that the buyer might be Russian oligarch Roman Abramovich or maybe even Russian banking and fertilizer multi-billionaire Andrey Melnichenko.

We also heard whispers from the real estate peanut gallery that the buyer was not a Russian at all but rather a New York-based financier. At one point we heard something so odd and outlandish that we never mentioned it in any of our many previous discussions on the topic; We heard from a woman we'll call Stacy Outinleftfield who told us the buyer was a money man from Orange County (CA).

Well, dontcha know that according to the aforementioned document provided to Your Mama by Our Fair Godmother in Beverly Hills, Miz Aniston's estate was purchased by an entity that calls itself the Banana Trust that links back to the offices of a Goldman Sachs subsidiary in–tah-duh!–Irvine, CA.

We quickly put out a few feelers with some of our most well-informed informants. Within minutes of sending an email we heard back from a plugged-in real estate insider we know–let's call her Chatty Cathy–who floated the name of–are y'all ready for this?–a billionaire mutual fund manager from Orange County named Bill Gross.

After a scoot and scout around the interweb and a some drilling down into scads of public property records we found at least one other property in Orange County owned by Mister Gross and his wife–a gal named Sue–that links back to the same Irvine office as the Banana Trust. Coinky-dink? No. We consulted our all but omniscient informant Lucy Spillerguts who was able to confirm with absolute certainty that the buyers are Mister and Missus Gross.

Mister Gross, co-founder of Pacific Investment Management Company (PIMCO), manages the Pimco Total Return Fund that maintains assets of nearly a quarter trillion dollars. No, babies, that is not a slip of our nubby fingers; Mister Gross's monster mutual fund actually holds assets of more than $240 billion. In 2008 Mister Gross's Pimco Total Return Fund profited an astonishing $1.7 billion dollars from the near-collapse of home loan juggernauts Fannie Mae and Freddy Mac. Forbes recently estimated that Mister Gross has a personal net worth just above two billion bucks.

A spin through Orange County property records reveals Mister and Missus Gross own several very posh pads in the OC that include (but are not limited to): An ocean front house in a gated enclave in Laguna Beach they've owned since at least 1989; Another, nearby house in Laguna Beach bought in December 2008 for $4,500,000; A cliff side house in Corona del Mar with panoramic ocean vistas he and the Missus snatched up for $8,100,000 in August 2006; A Newport Beach records show was purchased for an undisclosed sum in June 2007; And a perfectly ordinary tract house in an inland gated development in San Clemente they picked up in late 2006 for $1,040,000.

Records show Mister and Missus Gross also own an 11,316 square foot mansion that backs up to the golf course of the Vintage Club in Indian Wells, CA, a condo in Park City, UT and a condo in Cupertino, CA. They also, as per prop records, lay claim to a spectacular 7,091 square foot house on 17 Mile Drive in Pebble Beach, CA that backs up to one of the famous fairways of what is arguably the most famous golf course in all of the world.

Although their property portfolio bulges with extraordinary properties, Mister and Missus Gross's real estate story didn't get really interesting until July 2009 when they spent a reported $23,000,000 to acquire an 11,000-plus square foot mansion on the gated Harbor Island enclave in Newport Beach, CA. The couple proceeded to demolish the 9 bedroom and 12 bathroom house but seem to have had a real estate change of heart and just this month flipped the now bare parcel back on the market with an asking price of $26,500,000.

Did Mister and Missus Gross catch a classic case of The Real Estate Fickle with the Newport Beach property? Did they decide they didn't want to deal with the hassle and time involved with building a mansion from the ground up? Or did they decide on entirely different digs, say, a newly renovated move-in ready celebrity-owned mansion in Beverly Hills?

Your Mama contacted Mister Gross's office for comment, confirmation or denial in regards to the purchase of Miz Aniston's Ohana, but have not yet received a response.

As for Miz Aniston, well, beehwatcha made out like a bandit. She paid $13,500,000 for the 9,000-plus square foot gated residence in Bev Hills, originally designed by architect Hal Leavitt, on November of 2006. Rumor and report has it she sold for somewhere around $37,000,000 although at one point we we're leaked the number $35,500,000. Of course her profit decreases dramatically when the massive renovation costs and fat real estate fees are considered, but Your Mama would not be the least bit surprised if Miz Aniston walked with ten million big ones.

Last month Miz Aniston purchased a pair of small apartments in New York City that she plans to combine into a small-ish but stylish duplex penthouse. The upper level–formerly the wee penthouse pad of hair honcho Sally Hershberger–spills out to a wrap terrace with seven million dollar views west to the glittering Hudson River and north to the twinkling Midtown skyline that includes the Empire State Building and–even better–the Chrysler Building. We hear she has a third unit, adjacent to the lower of the two she just bought, in contract as well but we don't have any proof of that, hunties.

Your Mama does, however, have it on quite good authority–two good authorities, actually–that Miz Aniston plans to maintain real estate roots in Los Angeles and has peeped a number of properties in the Sunset Plaza and Beverly Hills areas. Miz Aniston plans, it seems, to live a bicoastal life, the ultimate geographic real estate dream of almost everyone Your Mama knows.

Lucky lady.